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Well.

I heard back from Mr Seeley.

*long pause*

There isn’t much, if anything, to sum up. He said he was familiar with the fan base but did not elaborate. Anything in his story line that feels familiar or coincidental is just that, coincidence.

At this point, because the film is just shy of 30 years old, there are so many ideas, plot lines, and tropes that have been used over and over, it’s totally possible for someone not that enmeshed in the fandom to think things as ‘new’. I’m gonna let it go.

His intention with the comic is to make something “new, interesting, funny and scary while maintaining the feel of the classic movie.” Okay, more power to him. It’s basically what we do with fan fiction, only he’s been contracted to do it officially.

I know why David’s back. He answered that. There is no big reason, not even one that relates to the story being told. It was so simple, too simple really, for me to even think of. So that’s on me, being angry about that. I’m not gonna be fucking happy about it or anything, but I’m in for a penny in for a pound, so I’ll have to read the next four issues to see what happens.

In the end, Mr Seeley reminded me that regardless of how I feel, good or bad, about the comic book, no one can take the original film from me. This is the truth. I think sometimes I forget that no matter what Warner Bros does or the other people who get contracted to do something with the property that add to it or whatever, the original film will never be fucked with. It will remain unaltered and always a source of joy and happiness for me.

So, thank you for that, Mr Seeley.

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Clarification – it IS a 6 issue series. Which makes sense, because damn, it’s moving slowly.

So. Issue #2 of The Lost Boys. Well, it picks up right where we left off…

***

 

 

SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

 

 

***

Grandpa’s dead and for some reason they’re having Lucy identify him via photograph? Huh?

The three-score claw marks on his back are apparently a “gang tag”. Okay. And in Santa Carla this isn’t a supernatural problem but a “gang” problem, the “tag” being used to scare citizens. Okay.

Y’know, I copped out and used a nationally-known gang as a cover for vampires in my fan fic epic, so, yeah. I’m not even gonna nitpick on that, really. (Although I wish I had thought to combine them and call them “BLIPS” like in Keanu. Damn.)

Edgar and Alan decide that there’s no old guard anymore, they’re all dead, so they’re the last of the vampire hunters in town. It’s their shining moment, their call to arms, blah blah blah. I’m sorry, I’m still annoyed by Reign of Frogs. At least in Vertigo’s The Lost Boys they’re keeping it on the level and reality-based, as opposed to the ridiculousness in Reign of Frogs.

Everybody’s sad over the loss of Grandpa (hey, he got a MUCH BETTER end then the bullshit he got saddled with in Reign of Frogs. OKAY I’LL TRY TO STOP NOW.) and Lucy is bummed and Sam’s like “I’m the one that fucked up!” and Star runs out on everyone, saying it’s her fault (NO COMMENT *snort*) and she has to… well I’m not sure if she said she had to stop it or just leave before Michael & co get hurt, but that’s the justification she’s using.

Her hair is still huge, so there’s that.

And Laddie calls Lucy ‘Grandma’. What?

Sam, Edgar, and Alan review footage from the comic store, where of course the mystery girl from issue #1 doesn’t show up because she’s… you guessed it.

Here’s my problem with this: if the supernatural laws of this world mean vampires don’t have reflections in mirrors or show up in photographs, or on video footage, what if the video footage includes sound? Because it’s implied that you are hearing Sam speak to someone but this is like 1987 and surveillance footage (even NOW, in 2016) doesn’t usually include SOUND. At least not to my knowledge.

And the girl clearly asks him questions and answers him, so IF SHE DOESN’T SHOW UP PHYSICALLY, WOULDN’T HER VOICE STILL BE HEARD?

I’m callin’ fucking PLOT HOLE on that one.

Yadda yadda, the Frogs leave Sam at Grandpa’s because he’s got too much to lose and they don’t (???) so the Frogs take clues and head back to the Cave, where they find someone’s been up to something and it’s recent.

Yet again, I’m like “when does this take place?” because sure, it’s supernaturals at work, but still, stuff takes time. And because (as of issue #2) we don’t know how DAVID ISN’T DEAD (like, what, Grandpa the almighty vampire hunter wasn’t smart enough to throw his corpse out in the sun!???!) fuck I lost my train of thought. I’m still pissed about that!

Okay, so anyway, yet again I’m thinking Tim Seeley read some fan fic, because shit happens that I know I’ve written (although never publicly published, at least not to my knowledge) and I’m pretty sure has come up in OTHER PEOPLE’S FAN FIC and yeah. Ta-da, the Frogs discover the new… nest? coven? gang? WTF is the stupid label this comic is using? of vampires!

And immediately realize David’s there, too.

Then one of them asks ‘didn’t David explode?’ WHICH PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF.

There’s a line where one of them says they’re going to pick off the vampires like they did with Marko. That I let slide; Paul named Marko, literally, when he yelled at them “YOU KILLED MARKO!” so they would likely remember that. But to not know that David wasn’t the one who exploded? No, they were upstairs crying while Paul melted in the tub, so they didn’t see Dwayne explode but still. This brings it back around to WHY DIDN’T THEY TAKE OUT DAVID WHEN HE WAS ALREADY SUPPOSEDLY MORTALLY WOUNDED??

There was something in issue #1 where, I believe Edgar said something about knowing he should have “put another stake” in David. WHY DIDN’T YOU????

So here we are, ANOTHER GIANT FUCKING PLOT HOLE THAT IS REQUIRED TO GIVE CREDENCE TO THE “REVENGE” PLOT.

Ugh.

I will, and this is huge for me, concede that the art for David is not horrendous. Not like whatever the fuck happened to him in Reign of Frogs. Apparently he got a stylist or something but the tennis shoes? Um, no? No. No.

Without going full on plot spoilers, something really fucking weird happens to the Frog Brothers (??? WTF??? I can’t wait for the explanation of THAT one but I’m sure it involves LADDIE! And probably Star, since there’s spoilers in the synopsis blurbs on the Vertigo website. Sigh.)  And Edgar tries to contact the Emersons to warn them, but David kind of, literally, crushes that. Heh.

Where was I. Right. So in the box of personal effects that the Santa Carla PD bring to the house, they make a big fuss over this “application” (which was thrown in the garbage in issue #1, so how did it escape the fire?) and the police “checked it out” and blah blah blah and Sam is like, “who is it???”

sergio

Well, minus the Jon Hamm part, and minus the name Sergio. But yes, it is the shirtless, muscle-bound saxophone player just the same. He’s the mysterious vampire hunter who kept getting denied admission into the SC…whatnot club.

And he’s like huge into spiritually, and “my body is a temple” and wish I had a photo of my face while reading all that because… well, here:

igi8g6

This meme is so useful for me.

Yeah. It ends with not Sergio (I would go get the comic and look up the name the writer gave the character but I am lazy and don’t want to get up; also, why is it oh-so-very-blatantly Greek? Is there gonna be some kind of “my forefathers fought vampires in Greece” kind of deal? If they go there, I called it first!) oiling up (yes, oiling up) and I dunno, man.

Oh. OH! And he calls himself “The Believer”.

100percentsoft_believer

(image from 100% Soft.)

Summation: I am actually not as angry over this as I thought I would be. As admitted in the previous post about issue #1, the story line isn’t so far-fetched and is reasonable enough that it’s believable. The art is decent. It’s not mind-blowing, they didn’t fuck up David as bad as I feared. The others are passable; I’m not real sure about the female vampires, since very little of them has been shown but I’m still worried about that being disappointing. They have a feel like they’re sort of the Spice Girls but “edgy” but also horrible archetypes and that worries me. (One is wearing a pearl necklace, another is tattooed with a mohawk; I’m not holding out hope here.)

I’ve proved over and over again that I’m OCD about details, particularly plot, so I’m wondering how the Emersons just magically took over Max’s video store, where the Frog parents are, why Star isn’t at all forthcoming about anything (clearly that’s going to be a MAJOR PLOT POINT but still), why is Laddie still around, and where’s Thorn? (Okay that last one is kind of a running joke between a friend and I, so I doubt it will get answered. Clearly the hound of hell returned to Hades on Max’s demise.)

Overall, considering I was angry at the announcement of this series, then entirely forgot about it, then randomly discovered it again, I’m kind of torn because it’s not that bad. It’s decent, which is me practically recommending it, which I kind of am? But I’m also still terrified, because there’s four issues to go and a lot could go VERY WRONG in those issues.

Cover of issue #3 clearly shows the Giant Dipper, with Sam fighting off one of the female vampires (who has pointed elf ears?? And giant, clawed feet? Oh boy…) and issue #4’s cover is Sam and Sax Dude, complete with sax!, crawling around in what I’m guessing to be the Cave.

If the Believer is some sort of Pied Piper who controls vampires with his sax, I’m done.

Well, until December, when issue #3 drops, we’ll just have to wait and see.

PS: I kind of want to email Vertigo and ask if I can interview Tim Seeley about this, where he was coming from, where he got the plot ideas. Because I want to know.

After yesterday’s post about death by horns, I may have become a teeny bit hyper focused on the whole thing (I’m blaming the meds I’m currently taking, although my brain can do that on its own just fine) and sort of ended up in a weird spiral-tangent-plot-hole.

Firstly!

There are at least two, possibly three, sets of horns used in the film.

Initially, when Michael is holding David back and there’s yammering about “blood in veins”, yadda yadda, there is a shot of a pair of horns on Grandpa’s work bench.

not-oryx-horns

Those are not the horns David is impaled on.

Firstly, they are more flat then ridged with prominent growth rings. They are much wider and bow out at a different angle. The shot isn’t the best — between the red lights and the angle — but I would hazard they are not oryx horns. They’re kind of like kudu but very short? All I can say for certain is those aren’t the horns that killed David.

body-double

Then you get the second pair, which are indeed based on oryx, specifically the East African or gemsbok kind (I know this because there is a pair of these specific horns hanging on my living room wall.) They are the ones you see “impale” the fake body standing in for David.

After looking at the screen caps, not only is it BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that the left horn pierced his heart (LOOK AT IT) but there is always a weird gap between the points of impalement. Does not fit with the horns shown pre-impalment.

dead-so-dead

Then we come to what I suspect to be the third pair, the pair Sutherland is gripping while his character meets his end. Again, gemsbok, probably the same mold used for the ones on the dummy, but somehow flexible? And some how the points or tips, the very tops of these horns, are too close together in the wide shot of David’s corpse. Like… huh?

bad-horns

There should be much more space between those points. The setting shot shows the not-oryx horns at a different angle, but even then, they’re still attached to the skull cap of the antelope. He was rammed onto them, which would cause a shift in their direction, David falling back onto the work bench, but still they would not “close up” or fall together in such a fashion.

But here’s where we get into the MASSIVE PLOT HOLE  I fell into while documenting my findings.

AKA: Secondly!

David makes a very pointed statement that HIS blood is in Michael’s veins.

This has always struck me, since Max is the one that wanted Michael to join the Lost Boys, for purposes of “getting” Lucy. Yet, David asks for “his wine”, says “my blood”. So this got me thinking.

And then there’s the point where the Boys start dying. First Marko perishes, sending the other three into a frenzy, David chasing Sam and the Frogs into the tunnel. Granted, it is day light hours, but there’s nothing from Max. Sure, it would be weird, since he was ruled out as a vampire just hours before, but still.

Then Paul is melted in a bath tub and Dwayne is “death by stereo”‘d. (That’s an actual technical term I just totally made up.) Still, zip. Where’s Max? Having dinner with Lucy. Okay he’s distracted by his prey but when the Boys fly over the house and Thorn barks at the noise, nothing. Is this just controlled deception?

OR IS IT THE FACT THAT THE BOYS ARE NOT OF HIS BLOOD?

Max always speaks of “can’t control my Boys” or “boys need a mother” or what have you. He even says “David and my Boys misbehaved.” near the end of the film. So there is SOME KIND OF TIE there.

But there’s also this weird… can’t quite put my finger on it… not exactly-a-bond involved. We don’t know who turned David; we assume it was Max. Many have theorized that they were already vampires who turned up in Santa Carla but I never bought that. I just don’t.

We know Max was “the secret that David was protecting”, thanks to Star. We know Max ordered David to bring Michael into the Boys. But then there’s something else…

Star tells Michael that “it was what David wanted”, for her to make Michael her first kill and become a full vampire. We know she’s half; blood was drunk, and very likely it was David’s. But Max wanted Michael to be a vampire to entrap Lucy. NOT Star.

So here we have what’s a classic power play (HA HA HA) and a possible double cross!

It has always struck me that when Lucy and Max arrive at Grandpa’s, while Sam and the Frogs are trying to explain slash distract Lucy from the carnage and dead bodies in the house, Max willfully strides into the work room and has to look at David to identify him.

DUDE. DID YOU FORGET WHAT THE FUCK HE LOOKS LIKE? HOW?

I dunno, did he not recognize it was David because he suddenly looked so young after his supernatural tether snapped? I never understood that. I mean, in all honesty, David’s the only remaining…corpse?… left of the Boys. We don’t know what happened to Marko’s body, Paul became a corrosive soup, and Dwayne is in exploded pieces. (Again, this probably ties into those “David Lives!” fans, because his body was not desiccated or destroyed. Please, spare me. He’s a corpse.)

Okay, I get that it’s a PLOT TWIST, because Max has clearly been deceptive and able to fake out the humans under the “you gave me permission” rule, but still, after repeat viewings and knowing this, IT STILL BUGS ME THAT MAX SEEMINGLY DIDN’T KNOW WHO DAVID WAS.

And still, his alleged Boys are dropping like flies and no reaction! I know Max was supposed to be ridiculously old for a vampire, which would mean control over stuff and reactions and whatnot, but I don’t know how he wouldn’t be alarmed when his Boys are dying. They were his action plan into getting Lucy! And that plan is FAILING ALL OVER THE PLACE!

As a friend said, she thinks maybe he was just happy to be rid of the Boys.

(Or, snort, never send a Boy to do a woman’s job? I swear, things would have ended very differently, had I been in charge.)

This is theoretical. They were “wild kids” and clearly he was unable to control them. I think that’s partly how there were three Boys and David was leader. David wanted pals and just started turning dudes and was going to stage a coup down the road and take out Max. Maybe. Probably. Okay, it’s what I may have done.

But now you’re gonna say, “But Michael and Star explicitly noted that neither ‘felt different’ after David’s death!”

Okay, well, that may lend credence to my theory that Max begat David, and David technically begat Michael and Star. There is still a blood tie and clearly one strong enough to overrule David’s death as being the “end” of the humans’ nightmare.

I still don’t think Max begat Marko, Dwayne, or Paul into vampiredom. (I will stop using the word begat now.)

In conclusion, which I’m not sure really is a conclusion but more of an end point, this all just may be a giant plot hole with no answer. The movie novelization is no help what so ever, so I won’t even go get it to check. I guess I just wanted to postulate a theory to David’s motives and blood ties. That’s all.

News flash: David the vampire is dead.

Eternally kicked the bucket, permanent dirt nap, not coming back, dead.

DEAD.

But, you know, one wouldn’t think so if you read Lost Boys fan fiction or the officially licensed comic book series.

Look, fan fic is one thing. I have written too much goddamn fan fic involving The Lost Boys. I, technically, am still writing it. (If I ever finish, then you’ll know I’m dead.) So that’s one thing. If you’re #TeamVampires you basically keep them “alive” through stories. We’ve been doing it since 1987, we’re not going to stop.

Officially licensed stories are another thing. Yes, if you’ve been anything more than a casual “I like that movie!” person, then you damn well know that Warner Bros. really wanted to make a sequel. But nothing really worked and various (dubious) scripts floated around Hollywood long before the internet became a real series of tubes. Hell, I’ve read a lot of those “scripts” and most of them are awful but that’s my opinion.

Then, nearly 20 years later we get handed a bullshit “sequel” that’s more a BULLSHIT REMAKE then sequel and I’ve already written a lot of words and wasted a lot of breath on Lost Boys: The Tribe so I’m not going there again. And because it was “popular” (read: people watched it because we tend to do that when given something set in a world we love – eg: Jurassic Park: The Lost World – didn’t mean we actually liked it!) Warner Bros saw $$$$! and okay’d a second “sequel”, which was better than The Tribe but genuinely awful in its own right. Like, please stop trying to let Corey Feldman act. It’s just sort of super sad now and I’m saying that as a fan of most of his early films.

And then there was the comic book, Reign of Frogs, that was supposed to “bridge the gap” between the original film and The Tribe. Which I have also wasted a lot of energy, time, and words on. Apparently not on this blog but I know it’s somewhere online.

Here’s the thing: the film is not outlandish in any shape or form. It asks you to suspend reality only a little, because its premise — a family moves to a new town and the eldest son falls in with a “strange” crowd, who just HAPPEN TO BE VAMPIRES — is very simple. It’s set in the real world, with very real ordinary people fighting against very supernatural things.

Reign of Frogs went way out in left field. And asked too much of its readers, crammed too many things, in that broke the reader’s ability to buy any of the story line. Not to mention it was just horrible. Sorry, it just was. I paid money for all four issues, I am allowed my opinion.

Now, just shy of the original film’s 30th anniversary, we’ve got ANOTHER comic series.

Vertigo’s The Lost Boys is (so far) a four-part series. I think it’s just four; it might be six? I don’t know, we’ll find out.

Issue #1 seems to pick up shortly (say, 6-months, tops?) after the film. The art is decent; nothing impressive but better than the art in Reign of Frogs. That’s a miracle.

***

 

 

OKAY HERE’S WHERE WE ENTER SPOILER TERRITORY. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

 

 

***

Sam’s working at the comic shop. Lucy has taken over Max’s video rental store. Star and Laddie are living with the Emersons at Grandpa’s house.

Sounds entirely plausible.

Michael has a job working at a nursing home / care facility as a care giver.

…okay. Again, plausible. Why not.

Grandpa’s infamous line “The one thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach: all the damn vampires.” again is in play, just as it was in Reign of Frogs, although in a different way.

Grandpa is a vampire slash supernatural creature hunter. There is a whole chapter of said hunters in Santa Carla, which he is leader (?) of. He is attempting to train the Frog Brothers to be hunters, because (as evidenced later on in the story) the chapter members are old and dying out, reluctant to bring in new members.

Yet again, plausible in a way that fits with the surprise twist at the end of the film. I’m okay with this.

Everybody is in the first issue. Sam, Michael, Star and Laddie, the Frog Brothers, Grandpa, I guess Lucy isn’t there but she’s name-checked by Sam. Hell, even Nanook makes the issue, in a hilarious scene.

So far so good, right? Right.

Well, so much for everything turning out okay. Something goes terribly wrong and tragic (sigh) and uh oh vampires are to blame once more because VAMPIRES and REVENGE and oh shit did I just say REVENGE?

Because only one person would want revenge in this game.

And, you see, he’s GODDAMN FUCKING DEAD AS A DOOR NAIL SO WHY IS HE DRAWN ON THE LAST PAGE??!

Yes. David is back. And apparently has decided turning dudes into vampires didn’t work, so lets go with all girls this time! Girl power, yo!

igi8g6

Before I continue, an aside.

Long long ago, before some of you were even born, a script (or a fan-written script passed off to be an “official” script) was floating around the interwebs, entitled “The Lost Girls”. Now, there was probably a few versions of this, but I specifically remember reading one where there was four female vampires who were targeting Michael and Sam was trying to fight them off. And there was a scene involving the Giant Dipper roller coaster that always stuck in my head because it was a pretty intense scene, vampires flying in and out of the coaster’s cars while it’s careening around the track, and yeah.

THIS COMIC BOOK FEELS LIKE IT IS VERY MUCH PULLED FROM THAT “SCRIPT”.

If I could find the goddamn thing I would check it against this but fan sites die and stuff goes missing and I probably had it on a 3.5 floppy disc (which wasn’t even”floppy”, such a misnomer!) and hell if I know where that could be. Plus, computers these days don’t come with disk readers (although I have a USB one, natch; god I am so old.) so yeah.

As I was saying. David is dead. I have no problem writing those words because he fucking is. Dude died on Grandpa’s work bench, horns rammed through his chest, screaming like a little bitch till the end.

“But the horns missed his heart!” you say?

The fuck they did. I have looked at screen caps, I have looked at stills, I have slow-mo’d the death scene a ridiculous amount of times. I know that Sutherland has admitted in press interviews that the intention (or one of the intentions) was to bring David back in a sequel. I realize there is a huge argument that the oryx horns are not wooden stakes so they wouldn’t have the same power on a vampire that a wooden stake would have.

HE’S. STILL. FUCKING. DEAD.

You know why? Here:

0356

0832

(images borrowed from The Lost Cave)

Up to and including his death scene, David is scruffy as hell. Dude’s been physically changed by becoming a vampire. I’m not talking just the crazy eyes and fangs while in game face. This is evidenced in the two photos above.

0847a

0848a

 

(images borrowed from The Lost Cave)

Then we come to post… uh… horning? No, wait, death by horns? Maximum hornage? Whatever. Max comes in, immediately turns David’s face towards him… HEY LOOK, DAVID SOMEHOW SHAVED IN THE TEN MINUTES SINCE HE DIED??

No. He didn’t really have time or a razor. HE REVERTED IN DEATH TO HIS HUMAN STATE. As evidenced in the two photos above, totally smooth face. (Another aside: OH MY GOD, SO YOUNG. I can’t believe Sutherland is turning 50 in December.)

In conclusion: the supernatural tether that made David a vampire was severed by those oryx horns and he died. And further more, Max was also killed, doubly destroying the supernatural means through which David became a vampire. Ain’t no coming back from that, it’s over, people. Nothing to see. Move along.

Prosecution rests.

So, yes, I have a big fucking problem with the writers of the Vertigo comic series deciding to bring David back. I know I am a singular voice of dissension in the wilderness about this plot point. I fully realize that the casual fan or die-hard David fan is going to be all “fuck yeah!” over this turn of events.

No.

Is it that hard to come up with a new character? A new leader? (Okay, that could be true; look what we got in The Tribe, Shane the utter fuck up.) I get that a REVENGE plot line needs a catalyst and I suppose David is the most blatantly obvious choice (sigh) but… ugh…

And fuck, I just totally flipped my own argument because the REVENGE plot line wouldn’t work if David  didn’t come back. Which, in my opinion, is lame story telling. But there you have it. That’s EXACTLY WHY this film does not need sequels, comic books, or plot continuances. Besides, it’s all been done in fan fic a thousand and one times over by now.

Another small nit pick: STAR WAS NOT DAVID’S GIRLFRIEND. SHE WAS FUCKING BAIT TO PICK UP VICTIMS. SHE WAS A LURE TO GET MICHAEL INTO THE GANG.

Okay, so that’s Issue #1. Issue #2 is in the mail, and #3 & #4 will be released in Dec/Jan, respectively. Yes, I do fully intend to read this series. I already said I was a masochist. I realize this blog is pretty much not on any radar, since I never update it and seem to only use it to yell in capslock about things related to The Lost Boys. I would find it interesting if Tim Seeley (the writer) or anyone at Vertigo ever found this post, because I would love to know Mr Seeley’s reason for going with this story line.

I guess that’s it until next issue, which I should have in about a week or so…

 

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